New Year's Resolution

Every Time Brad Zaun or Kent Sorenson introduce a bill or a resolution in the Iowa Legislature this year, that does not create jobs or lower taxes on the middle class or the poor, I will make a donation to One Iowa.  These Lazy, Lackadaisical boys on the elected official welfare dole will probably make me go broke this year, anyone want to match my challenge.  I don't care if it is a dollar a bill.

2010 Award for Least Likely Duo to Pay Their Own Bills, But Most Likely to Introduce 100 Useless Bills In The Legislature Next Year.

State Representative from Indianola Kent Sorenson of "My opponent says I don't pay my bills, and she's right, but it is rude of her to say it because I'm a Man and a Republican and she's just a woman and immoral." And North Polk County State Senator Brad Zaun of "I don't worry about paying my taxes until someone mentions it on TV, but I preach about how important it is for people who lost their houses miles away from flood plains to practice the personal responsibility of homelessness" were worthy of this award because of the amount of time they spent introducing bills that did nothing and went nowhere.  Random Drug Tests for Welfare Recipients?  A bill to recognize the Hawkeye's excellent season last year?  A bill affirming the sovereignty of the State of Iowa?"  A bill to prevent Iowa from following federal law on health care reform?  Not one bill from either of them to create a single job, countless resolutions to honor cronies, literally no work done at all.  Congratulations, Lazies.

2010 Award for Person Least Likely to Know When to Quit

That the only way you are ever going to win, is by going to donors from outside of Iowa to support you.  You couldn't get nominated to run for governor, against the worst governor this state has had in a century.  You're weird, you're creepy and you don't seem to understand that whether it is your - inexcusable if you paid for it and unforgivable if it is real - hair, or your inability to speak in whole sentences, or the fact that you think that the governor is the only branch of government in Iowa and is above the law, or that in this country, fundamentalism is the same thing whether it comes from a radical Muslim or an irrational Evangelical (like you).  Not just these, but the fact that Iowans just plain don't like you, put you in first place for this award as well.  Congratulations, Stupid.

2010 Award for Person Least Likely to Understand The Word Unconstitutional

Well Bob, you silly idiot, a ruling by the Supreme Court of the State of Iowa is by DEFINITION "Constitutional" whether your lazy, untrained, illiterate, bigoted brain understands it or not.

Congratulations, Stupid.

Spend a Few Minutes and Have Some Fun

Cool Optical Illusions - Watch more Funny Videos

Its Hard To Believe... Democratic Version

My party, the party that I have always believed in.  The party that couldn't pass Single Payer with a majority in both houses, and a President in the White House.  The party that waited til the lame duck session to pass Don't Ask Don't Tell, and The Dream Act.  My party is now turning their back on everything they asked for, because a few billionaires are going to have to pay a smaller amount of taxes, and Paris Hilton will have to pay a smaller amount on her inheritance taxes next year.

My party is risking a 13 month extension of unemployment benefits because the President, whom they have not had the slightest interest in supporting or backing up, negotiated with Republicans, and gave away a few items to ensure the average middle class family would see a $1300 annual reduction in payroll taxes for the next 2 years, and that 2 million Americans wouldn't lose their unemployment checks the week before Christmas.

My party, most of whom said last week that the Republican party was holding the American middle class hostage until some billionaires got a tax cut, is now threatening to hold the American middle class tax cuts hostage to prevent some billionaires from getting a tax cut.

I can't imagine that Christmas is going to be all the great for the families that are out of work, but to lose their benefits the week before Christmas.  Not even the Grinch could imagine such a thing.

Does my party really believe that when this guy takes over the House, that anything even remotely as generous will happen?  This guy who has never walked past an Ooompa Loompa Spray Tan Shop, this guy who handed out checks from tobacco companies to Republicans on the floor of the United States House of Representatives minutes before a vote on a tobacco law, this guy who cries every time a millionaire pays sales tax on a Rolls Royce?

Let's get real.  In the long run, those tax cuts only hurt America's Middle Class, as long as there is one, and if Democrats hold this tax cut hostage because of the upper 2% getting a tax cut for 2 years, I don't really know how much longer the middle class is going to last.  It would have been different if they had made this move during the last 2 years.  It would have probably prevented the ass kicking we got in the last election.  But now, when you are falling down the basement stairs with the puppy in your hands, you just do your best not to squish the puppy, and hope that you'll get up and climb the stairs again.

The hostages changed hands, and now my party wants the ransom.  Its hard to believe.

Its Hard To Believe... Republican Version

I am amazed that the Republican Party, which used to demand that we "Buy American" is holding up tax cuts for 98% of Americans in order to give tax breaks to the millionaires and billionaires who own the companies that our sending our American jobs overseas.  Refusing to allow Unemployment Benefits to be extended to the very people to whom they once extolled that only American Pride like Ronald Reagan's could "Make America Great Again."  

The Republican Party Line is that unless Billionaires like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, George Soros and David Geffen get to keep another chunk of the money that they have so much of that they can't even use it in their lifetimes if they spent $10,000 per day for the rest of their lives, then no tax cuts for the other 98% of Americans.  Republicans are also holding up these middle class tax cuts to ensure that if Paris Hilton were to inherit money that she has never worked a day her life to earn, that she would pay a smaller amount of taxes on that money after January 1, than she would have if she inherited the same amount of money during the Clinton Administration.

I find it hard to believe that the America first crowd, puts Americans last, over the wealthiest people in the country having some extra money to invest in companies that are daily moving their jobs to India and Singapore and China, creating a new middle class in those countries, while devastating the middle class here in AMERICA. 

A Gift From My Old Friend Lonnie "My Secret Surgery"

Well, I tried to keep this a secret, but somehow during my recuperation time at home it leaked out and now everybody in my circle of friends (and many people in town in general) know about it, so I decided I might as well tell it the way it went, to dispel rumors.

Most of you know I went in for a surgical procedure but many of you didn't know it was for a butt lift.  I didn't have the most pleasant experience, the pain was excruciating and the result was not a complete success as surgeries go.  I wish I would have just left well enough alone and started exercising instead.  It did not turn out that well and now I have very horrible back pain.  If you have ever considered a butt lift, I STRONGLY recommend against it!!!



Photo of the end result is attached below

This is gross and serious

There are people in this world to get sexual satisfaction from watching women in high heeled shoes crush small animals and kill them with their heels!
Congress previously passed a lot to outlaw this practice, the Supreme Court of the United States in its infinite wisdom struck down the law, citing it as a freedom of speech issue.
Congress has passed a new bill, which should satisfy the court. Please follow this link and both call and email the White House, to urge President Obama to sign the bill. Please call and email. Calls and emails from Iowa are particularly important, because we will be the first state in the country to decide the Presidential Ballot in the next election.

https://secure.humanesociety.org/site/Advocacy?pagename=homepage&page=UserAction&id=4768&autologin=true&JServSessionIdr004=6g4zeum223.app303a

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No point.

I put on cologne before I left home to go to the natural foods store today. Even that couldn't prevent me from realizing how irrelevant it is to wear cologne to a place where people use rocks under their arms in place of razors and deodorant. Next time I'll just rub myself with hay and vodka.

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And I'll Miss You Most of All

While @njensen515 has left us only for a small vacation, "@SJMAXX" was using 4 desks and 4 computers, but not one adding machine or calculator. My feeling is there is not enough Vicodin in Iowa to ease my pain. And I just went in to shop.

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What if...

Suicide hotlines were all staffed by imprisoned serial killers? 2 birds, no stones.

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While sneaking around watching previews of upcoming GLEE episodes (its a sickness, I can't help it) I found this guy. AMAZING

To see all of his videos follow this link: Mike Tompkins YouTube Channel

Crazies, Minnesota Style

Minnesota's Republican Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann says that Obama is spending $200 million a day on his trip to India. While this has been proven to be unadulterated bullshit, from one of the looniest tea-party kooks in the country, you would at least hope that he reserved the Presidential Suite.

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It has been a mystery up 'til now

Chloe went to college to be an elementary school teacher.  She really had a passion to be the best teacher she could be.  Everyone thought it was crazy when she quit teaching English at Thomas Jefferson Elementary school, moved to Boca Raton, and went to work as a clerk in an adult book store.  Now we know.

Steve Jobs and Ronald McDonald, TOGETHER AT LAST

I've been doing well on my diet, and thought I would treat myself to a McDonalds Apple Pie.  I loved these when I was a kid.  I don't know how many Mad Scientists it took to come up with the new recipe, but it didn't taste like apples at all, unless of course they are using parts of old IPODS and Macintosh computers, it actually did taste a lot like that kind of apple.

The Devil Is In The Details

Barb Charmin, the inventor, was the "Big Idea" kind of gal.  Thankfully, she left the little things like materials and final touches up to her husband, Scott.

THE HARDEST PART IS ADMITTING YOU WATCHED IT!

Certainly the TV Censors would not let the GLEE cast do the Rocky Horror Picture Show without changing the lyrics of some of the songs.  They do this to protect children you know.  

Instead of, "I'm just a sweet transvestite from TRANSEXUAL Transylvania."  They changed it to, "I'm just a sweet transvestite, from SENSATIONAL Transylvania."  Even worse, "I was feeling done in, couldn't win.  I'd only ever kissed before.  I thought there is no use getting into heavy PETTING.  It only leads to trouble, and SEAT WETTING!" became, "... heavy SWEATING and BAD FRETTING."

All over America, children were saying to their parents, "Mom, Dad, did you see what those bitches did to your favorite movie?  That fuckin sucks."

The First Clue is The Best Clue

Dave was never really proud of the right things.

She loved cooking.  The first few times he ate her meals on the toilet, she couldn't help but take it personally.  She didn't complain though, the first few weeks of a new marriage could reveal all sorts of things.  It was when he crawled up onto the kitchen sink to poop that she regretted her silence.

Marley Quit Licking Everything

I guess when he was neutered he figured that anything else he loved licking would be taken away as well.

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